


Rescue Me

by Ryan_El



Category: Glee
Genre: American Football, Bad Parenting, Bullying, Depression, Douchebag Finn Hudson, F/F, F/M, Glee Club - Freeform, Homophobia, M/M, Possible Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray, Protective Blaine Anderson, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-05-31 05:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19419733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryan_El/pseuds/Ryan_El
Summary: After several years of being tormented and hiding herself, she learns who she really is, turning her life upside down.





	1. Only The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hiyah there ! Thanks for joining me on this adventure !
> 
> This is my first time writing a Glee Fanfiction, so lets see where this goes. Firstly, English is not my mother tongue. I'm sorry in advance for any typos. Secondly, this story is about me trying to get through some tough times. So a few things happening in it will be inspired of what I personally went through. It's not a ''happy'' fic at first but I promise you, it will get better (just not right now!)
> 
> Tittle from OneRepublic's song ''Rescue Me''.
> 
> Enjoy !

Rachel Berry always knew something didn’t feel right with her and had known it since kindergarten. But not until a few weeks ago, she couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

From a young age, the girl knew growing up in Lima was going to be difficult for her and her family. The Berry’s are well-known in the small town for being the only gay couple. And that, Rachel learned it quickly.

‘’Is it true dat you have twos daddies?’’

‘’Faggot!’’

‘’Go to hell fucking dyke!’’

At five years old, Rachel also knew that the children weren’t to blame. The parents, always whispering mean things in their kids’ ears, caused the little girl to feel completely alone. That’s when she began lying to her parents. By moving to Lima, the thought they could offer the best life to their future daughter. But it would be years later that their ‘’dream’’ would come true.

From then, the Berry’s’ offspring put into place a perfectly planned routine, without her parents knowing. Arriving at school, she would hide her lunch on the highest shelf in the janitor’s closet with the help of a stool, before rushing to her class. During lessons, she would show enthusiasm to her teacher, showing indifference to her peers’ insults. But this caused them to be more and more aggressive. When it was time for lunch, Rachel would wait for all of her classmates to leave the classroom before sneaking to the janitor’s closet again. Using a flashlight she had stolen from her daddy, she would eat as quickly as possible to keep her from being found. She would then join the playground and make herself as small as possible, well smaller than she is. But the kids always found her and this was the moment she was always scared of before going to school.

Rachel Berry has always been tormented. At first, it was because of her having two daddies. But as weeks passed, she realised it wasn’t only because of that, but also because of her behaviour. At the beginning of the school year, she started hanging out with the boys, trying to play football, collect rocks and wrestle in the mud with them. However, things turned bad every time she tried, with her being punched in the nose or in the guts. The first time it happened, one boy tried to defend her but also got a beating in return. She never hung out with any of the kids anymore.

And the kids also took advantage of her small stature. Being the smallest one in the class partly made her the outcast. The small brunette girl had a hooked nose, used by her peers as a punching ball. Usually, the brunette could be heard from afar, thanks to her big voice. But as time passed, Rachel tried to be as quiet as possible.

Then, on the way home, using narrow and deserted roads, she would invent all the activities she could have done, with so many details, as to not make her daddies suspect anything.

And that worked. For several years.

Along the years, the little girl with the big voice grew quieter and quieter, and never stopped being tormented. There were dozens of times she came home and rushed to her room to hide the bruises with tapes and foundation. She played an act for a few years at home, hiding her sadness, but stopped after seeing her parents’ irrelevance to her state. Well, not when they had guests. Then, Rachel would play the act of the happy and carefree little girl.

She was at a point where she didn’t know anymore who she really was. She hid her true self so deeply in her that she forgot who she was. Only a few things mattered to her : hide who you are, hide away from the others and pray.

She prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Prayed that one day someone would help her, stand up for her, like that boy in kindergarten did.

But she was absolutely sure of one thing. He will not live any longer if it keeps on being like this.


	2. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, some parts will be inspired by my own experience. This is how I personally dealt with it.
> 
> This is not a fun chapter. Also, dialogues will come in the next chapter!
> 
> TW Disphoria, Internalized Transphobia, Depression!
> 
> Enjoy!

In a way, he was lucky. Having to absent parents was easier for him to dress like he always wanted, act the way he wanted to. With one being a recently promoted lawyer in Columbus, and the other being a well-known surgeon, let’s just say money was never the problem. But that wasn’t what interested him. He didn’t care about money. After years of it being this way, he still wishes for his fathers to be here, with him.

For several years, he comforted himself with the fact that his dads wanted him. 15 years ago, Leroy and Hiram Berry put an ad in a New York newspaper. And 14 years ago, a New Yorker was born. But that’s all he knew. His fathers never told him who the surrogate mother was, when they left New York City to move to Lima, and why. For years he kept this feeling and questions for him. As for today, he really doesn’t know if his fathers still love him, or know that he still exists.

With his dad, Hiram, always away to work at his corporation in Columbus, and his daddy always working till late in the evening, he got used to rush home to change clothes and just be himself. Having not to worry about money, it had been easier for him to shop for new masculine and androgynous clothes. It worked for a few years until it didn’t and dysphoria hit him right in the chest.

* * *

It was in June 2019. And it was official to him, he was a guy. He developed habits to make his appearance as much as the way he wants it to be. Ponytails, sports bras, hairy armpits and legs. 

At 14 years old, he already had developed breasts that he has loathed since the moment he saw them grow. Sports bras became his first friends.

With the upcoming hot days, he, like everybody, wanted to go swim in one of the lakes around Lima. He didn’t think this would be one of the worst experiences of his life. On a Saturday morning, he got up early, and put on his white sports bra, an ample white t-shirt, his navy boardshorts over his boxer briefs. He also packed fresh water, some snacks, his beach towel and his wallet. He also packed his iPod and the last book on his nightstand. When he was ready, he walked to the train station as quick as possible without being seen and jumped on the first bus to the Ottawa Metro Park.

After a 20 minutes ride, he found a quiet spot away from all the families already there to enjoy some fresh air. Plugging his earphones into his iPod, he lied down and enjoyed the weather too. After what could be a two or three-hour nap, a group of teenage boys, around 17, settled down a few meters away from him. They were loud, so loud that he had woken up. Turning his head to the right to yell at them, he stopped in his tracks. In front of him, five shirtless boys, all more muscular than the others. And dysphoria is a bitch, slapping you so hard when you didn’t think it could.

He quickly put his arms around his chest, noticing the lack of muscles there, and started sweating. But he continued to observe them from afar. Their chests, their arms, their abs, their haircuts… and also listened to their voices, wishing he had one as deep as theirs. He knew he had to get ou of here or it could get out of control, without knowing what could happen. _Why can’t I be like them. Why wasn’t I born like them._ Thats when everything went south in his head. _You can’t be trans. No one would accept you. It’s just a phase, it will pass. Nobody cares about you so stop trying to make yourself interesting._ He was lost and alone at this moment. On the verge of crying, one of the boys saw him observe them. He quickly packed his things into his bag and ran, still distressed.

* * *

Once back to his house, he broke down in tears, his back against the front door. And once again, he was alone. In this moment, he has never wished so hard for one of his fathers to be there for him, telling that everything was going to be okay. He would have believed them even if it wasn’t true. 

He was panting, trying to breathe through his heavy sobs. _I’m done._ He tried to remember how to breathe but couldn’t. He just couldn’t, it was too much. _Come on! Inhale. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Exhale. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5._ After a few minutes, he regained control of his breathing, but not his emotions. He was now furious. Against his fathers. Against his surrogate mother. Against these boys. Against everybody. But most of all, against himself. He couldn’t understand how he had let this go on for so long. However, he was taking matters into his own hands, now.

* * *

He rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and into his bedroom. He went to his closet and flicked its doors open, searching for all the dresses, skirts, panties, his small heeled shoes… Everything feminine he could, he threw it on his bedroom’s floor. Getting out of his bedroom and down the stairs, he searched for plastic bags in the kitchen. Finding then, he went back to his room and put all his findings into four full plastic bags.

Then, finding his pair of scissors, he dashed into his bathroom, in front of the mirror, and started cutting his hair. Short. He wanted them short, but longer on top. This was his dream haircut. And he got it. Well, partly. He could see he had done a bad job at cutting it but he finally had his hair short. And that made him cry all the more. He was happy. Not completely, but he was working on it.

But something made him stop. His breasts. He couldn’t get rid of them, at least for now. Sports bras worked for now. He was only 14, so they would keep on growing. He knew he couldn’t start taking testosterone without his parents’ consent. And he was sure they wouldn’t give it to him. They wouldn’t understand him.

So he looked on the internet, on blogs, on forums. A healthy diet and exercising. That’s what would help him. He’s already a vegetarian, so step one is complete. As for working out, he knew he couldn’t go to the gym. It was for his own safety. Therefore, he ordered some dumbbells for his arms and planned on doing push-ups and pull-ups.

It would take years, but he was going to get his dream body. It would take some years, but he will get it.

He was still not completely happy, but he will work on it. However, something tingled in his head. Something clicked. He was happy for now, but will he still be in three months, when high school starts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thanks for reading. I hope you liked it!
> 
> Leave kudos, comments, anything to let me know what you thought!


	3. Welcome To Hell ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yas !  
> Sorry it took longer for me to write it, but some things happened. And I think the you'll feel it while reading this.  
> Anyway, I truly hope you enjoy this piece!
> 
> TW MISGENDERING, DYSPHORIA
> 
> Song to listen to: 'Riptide' by Vance Joy

New year, new school, new life. This year, he knows it, he’s screwed. Over the summer, his life completely changed. He got his hair cut by a hairdresser this time, he shopped for a new whole wardrobe while in Columbus, began working out… But still no change with his parents. He hasn’t seen them in three months, only some two-minute phonecalls that didn’t matter to him anymore. It still stings, but he got over it. He was better alone anyway.

He also had to go to his new school, William McKinley High School, to have his first name of use instead of his dead name on the roster. He called first but got rejected like he was an alien. A woman in a red track suit was into an argument when he entered the principal’s office for the meeting. The arguing didn’t make her leave the room. You could obviously see the lack of authority the principal has. Anyway, after stammering on his words and being rejected once again, he got on his feet and reached the door.

‘’Well I didn’t know you could reach another level of stupidity, Figgins. Should I call you ‘Dumby Figgy’ from now on?’’, the track suit woman barked. She was sitting on a couch, arms spread on the couch backrest and legs crossed. No emotions could be read on her face and that scared him.

‘’Sue, for the last time, you are not the principal of this school! You cannot-‘’

‘’Oh shut it Figgy! 'I cannot control everything'! Well yes I can! I enjoy seeing losers getting slapped in the face with ice cold drinks. Reminds me of my time in the icecaps.’’ She put on the proudest smirk I’ve ever seen in my whole life but it dropped as quickly as it came. ‘’Though, seeing kids scared, not of slushies, but of being beaten up. I may be the cruelest person in this school, hell I’m proud of it, I’m no monster. So deal with it Dumby Figgy!’’

In his life, only two people have ever stood up for him, a boy in kindergarten and this Sue. So this was a complete surprise. And he didn’t like it. He didn’t need anyone to stand up for him. He did just fine for 14 years already.

‘’Yentl! Stop looking like a moonfish and tell me your name!’’

‘’I-. My-. Ry-. Yeah, Ryan ma’am’’, stammered Ryan.

‘’What? No Sue! I cannot let you do this! She is already registered as Rach-‘’

‘’My name is Ryan Berry, and you would be kind to use ‘he/him’ as my pronouns, thank you!’’ He was angry. He wasn’t a girl. Just because he lived as one for 14 years means that he really is one. Why could people don’t understand ans accept that?

‘’Oop! There you go Figgy! How could you-‘’

‘’No, YOU listen to me! I don’t need your help or anything from you okay?! Just put Ryan as my preferred name and that’s it! It’s not complicated! And I have the judgement from the courthouse giving me the okay. And I got it after registering here.’’ He had to go to New York as it is his birthplace to get his name changed. He was thankful that it took only a month and a half to do it.

‘’Okay, Miss Berry, I’ll-‘’

‘’It’s Mister Berry!’’

‘’O-okay, Mister Berry. Your name was changed to Ryan. Is- Is there anything else?’’ Figgins would never admit it, but this kid scared him. He didn’t know why, but he was sure that he’d see his face in the near future.

‘’Thank you principal Figgins. Have a good day.’’ Ryan quickly got up, and rushed out of the room. He couldn’t stay any longer in this room, with a narrow-minded man and a psychopath of a woman.

If the school year hasn’t started and it already was like this, Ryan doesn’t know how the rest of it will go. Now, he wished he wasn’t stuck in this- _Ooooof!_

One second he was on his two feet, in a hurry to go home. The next one he was on the ground, looking up, while in pain and through half parted eyes, to the most angelic face he has ever seen. Deep hazel eyes, soft blond and wavy hair, pale white skin… She was a sight for sore eyes and _Oh! Is she talking to me? No, she’s not, I can’t hear anything._ Suddenly, Ryan gasped for air. Gosh, he was in pain.

‘’Oh, my God! Are you okay? I didn’t see you coming out of the office! Why are you breathing like this! Oh, god I hurt you! I’m so sorry! Just let me- Why are you laughing?’’ This was one of the biggest rants he has ever heard, and this was coming from him. Sure he was in pain, but it’s not like he was crushed by a bulldozer. He took this moment just to admire her. She was beautiful, and not in a model kind of way. No, she was breathtaking. And yeah, maybe he let her go on just to keep looking at her.

‘’No, I’m sorry. I should have been the one to look out before coming out of the office. Guess I finally learned my lesson, huh?’’

‘’Please, don’t put the blame on yourself. Just let me help you up!’’ _Oh!_ Ryan realised he was still lying on the ground. ‘’Give me your hand.’’ He put his right hand in hers and _Whoosh! Guess I’m not good with my feet today._ He tripped on his feet, making him bump into the goddess. He quickly put his hands on her waist to keep her from falling backwards. What he didn’t count on, was her placing on his chest. He panicked. He remembers putting his binder on this morning, but she was touching it. 

‘’Hey, are you okay? You seem a bit agitated.’’ She moved her hands to his shoulders and began rubbing them, trying to get him to relax. That’s when he noticed a few things.

Ryan would never admit to someone else, but he was socially awkward. Starting conversations with others was hard because he’s never done it before except from short, formal greetings in stores. And this girl was talking to him, and he answered back. Second thing was touching. He hates it when people touch him. From involuntary, but mostly voluntary, bumpings in the streets, to his fathers’ touches when they were still there. Nobody could touch him. He loathed it. And now, the only thing he was worried about, was her finding about his binder. Not about her touching him. In a way, he kinda likes it.

‘’Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Are you alright? Did I hurt you?’’ He answered with a breathy voice. He noticed that she was taller than him. She has around six inches on him. Ryan always was the smallest pupil in his classes and now he guessed it will still be the case for the next four years.

‘’Oh, yes, I’m fine. Thank you!’’ _Did I say her voice was also angelic? Gosh the raspy she has. I can almost-_ ‘’Will you a freshman this year?’’ _Oopsie Ryan, you better focus!_

 _‘_ ’Yes, I was singing papers fo my registration just now. And I guess, by your question, that you will be one too?’’ He found himself really curious about this girl. He didn’t want this conversation to end.

‘’And you guessed right…?’’

‘’Oh! Ryan! My name is Ryan!’’ For the first time, he didn’t stammer while saying his name out loud.

‘’Well it’s nice to meet you, Ryan. I’m Quinn.’’ Did he die, or she really blushed? _Is it too hot in here? Maybe she’s really hurt._

‘’It’s really nice to meet you Quinn but, are you okay ? You’re blushing. I didn’t hurt you, did I?’’

‘’Oh no! I’m fine! It’s just-‘’

‘’Yo Q! Get away from the midget! I gots to crash the competition! Bring yo ass to the lockers!’’ Some Latina shouted from the other side of the hallway, interrupting his conversation with the goddess.

‘’Guess I better go before she comes here. And you don’t want that. I’ll see you around Ryan.’’ _Smack._ She kissed his cheek before turning around and joining the Latina.

And the world stopped turning for Ryan. He couldn’t answer her. He was there, in the hallway, touching his left cheek, blushing furiously, and not moving. After a few minutes, he turned to say his farewell, but didn’t see her. _Guess I’ll see her around._

* * *

Back home, Ryan kept on thinking. Maybe he had no more control on his body and mind. He just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he let her touch him, and that he answered back. He never did that. When Quinn touched him, he didn’t suffer from dysphoria. He just didn’t want her to know about him. All of this scared him. He cannot let this girl change him. _Maybe I should never be close to her again. It’s for my own good. What if she discovers about me? Would she tell everyone?! Okay! Calm down Ry! You just met for five minutes, nothing’s gonna happen._

But nothing happens as we say right ?

* * *

Realizing it was six P.M., Ryan went to take a shower, and what he taught could be a good day, turned like all the others. _Yep, after Disney World, welcome to Dyspho World Ry! Gosh, can’t I catch a breath!_

Taking some black boxer briefs, his pyjama shorts and t-shirt from his drawer and under his pillow, he went into his bathroom. Out of habit, even if he is alone, Ryan locked the door behind him. After putting his clothes on a stool, he took his blue flannel shirt off. He tried not looking into the mirror but he couldn’t help himself. There, in his reflection, he saw his flat chest. Sure a binder is expensive, but it’s worth every penny. He then quickly got to work. Taking off a binder is like fighting with the Minotaur. You just hope you will get out of it alive. The moment he got it off, he quickly took his chino pants and underwear off, and jumped in the shower. Sometimes he would take a peak at his breasts, but only for a second, to wash his belly, legs and feet because they were in his face. _Yeah, I need to work on that too._ Ryan washed as quickly as possible, dried himself and got dressed.

After this routine, he went downstairs to eat something. As all today’s events caught up to him, he decided to prepare himself some noodles, as he knew they were the only thing he could stomach right now. And even the noodles were hard to eat entirely. Washing his bowl, and putting it aside to dry, he then went back upstairs. 

At this moment, he didn’t know what to do. Ryan knew he couldn’t go to bed, even if it was only eight P.M. He was thinking too much about what happened today to sleep. He just needed to relax. So Ryan decided to take his most precious item from the corner of his room. His guitar. A Gibson Montana Hummingbird right from the 60’s. It’s an original model that he found during a barter. The old man he bought him from lowered the price as he saw the teenager in awe of this masterpiece. Well he still got it for 1500$, but he could have never found better anywhere else.

Sitting on his bed and crossing his legs, he began strumming his guitar, trying to convey all he really felt. A sad melody came out of his strumming, and you could sense all this turmoil he had in him. But as the strumming went, you could also feel his despair, melancholia and stubbornness. Suddenly, it stopped. 

_I don’t need them. I’ve done fine by myself all these years and it will stay that way for a long time. I don’t need her help._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> Do NOT hesitate to leave kudos or comments!  
> Thank you and see you soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, thanks for reading this first chapter !
> 
> If you liked it, leave kudos, comments ! If you didn't like it, also tell me in a comment so I can do better on the next one.
> 
> Next chapter should be up next week !


End file.
